Tom Gruber

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Author Bio: ABOUT TOM AND HIS BOOKS TOM GRUBER is a Christian author who has been researching the subject of sexual ethics for over twenty years. To put it bluntly, Tom is very passionate about… being very passionate. Yet Tom also understands that the ethical expression of great passion requires the restraints of great responsibility. Jesus summarized this law of love by commanding us to love our neighbors just as much as we love ourselves, while simultaneously loving the Lord our God with all of our heart, mind, soul, strength, and being. Tom’s purpose is to challenge our thinking and help us understand God’s will for our lives in the sexual arena. Tom’s approach combines a thoughtful analysis of Scripture with the latest information in sexual research. He uses sound logic and common horse sense to make his points. You may sometimes find him controversial; many do. But you will never find him boring. You will always find him thought-provoking, stimulating, and often entertaining. Tom writes in a style that is poignant and easy to understand, yet simultaneously comprehensive and scholarly. Tom believes in the infallibility of Scripture as the final court of arbitration. He affirms the essential doctrines of orthodox Christianity, such as the Trinity, the death, burial, and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the resurrection from the dead. In fact, there is nothing in The Apostles’ Creed that Tom disagrees with. Furthermore, Tom believes in The Five Solas of the Reformation: Sola scriptura (“by Scripture alone” ), Sola fide (“by faith alone” ), Sola gratia (“by grace alone” ), Solus Christus or Solo Christo (“Christ alone” or “through Christ alone” ), and Soli Deo gloria (“glory to God alone” ). Though Tom is thoroughly orthodox when it comes to the essentials of Christianity, his critics regard many of his positions on sexual ethics anything but orthodox. Tom’s critics often misrepresent his positions, taking great delight in demolishing the stereotypical straw man that they have erected. To nip this in the bud, here are a few things that Tom does NOT believe: 1.Tom does NOT believe that it is okay to engage in sexual sin. Tom believes that all forms of sexual sin are abhorrent, destructive, and contrary to the will of God. 2. Tom does NOT believe it is okay to commit adultery or engage in fornication. 3. Tom does NOT believe it is okay to look at a woman with lust in his heart. 4. Tom does NOT believe it is okay to engage in risky sexual behavior that might result in unwanted pregnancies or sexually transmitted diseases. 5. Tom does NOT believe it is okay to jeopardize a valued relationship by lying or cheating. In short, Tom believes that all sexual thoughts and actions should be loving and responsible. So far, Tom’s positions on sexual ethics are in complete harmony with mainstream Christianity. But here is where he parts company with most Christians: Although Tom believes that premarital sex and extramarital sex CAN BE and oftentimes ARE sinful, Tom DOES NOT believe that sex outside of a monogamous marriage is ALWAYS sinful. It is Tom’s conviction that sincere orthodox Christian teachers have radically misinterpreted the Bible’s position regarding sexual ethics in several important key areas. Simply put, Tom believes that today’s Bible teachers have inaccurately defined what sexual sin is and why sexual sin is wrong. Words like “adultery,” “fornication,” and “lust” do not mean quite the same things today as they did in biblical times. Furthermore, we now live in a culture that is radically different from the culture of Moses, Jesus, and Paul. Many modern developments, such as the invention of the pill and the condom, need to be taken into consideration because they have radically altered the ethical equation. We also live in a culture where women and children are nowhere near as dependant on men for financial support and security. Since Tom believes we have started from a faulty premise, he is not surprised that we have wound up with many faulty assumptions. Tom believes the Church has developed a herd mentality. Tom is saddened to see many Christians becoming like sheep led to the slaughter by well-meaning yet over-zealous shepherds. As an analogy, if you put up a hurdle in front of a line of sheep, the first sheep will jump the hurdle, the second sheep will jump the hurdle, the third sheep will jump the hurdle, and so forth. However, if you remove the hurdle, the rest of the sheep will continue jumping a hurdle that is no longer there. Tom believes that although many sexual activities outside of marriage are harmful and should therefore be avoided, there are also many sexual activities outside of marriage that are beneficial yet are avoided anyway simply because many Christians are like sheep. Since they are not paying attention, they fail to notice that they are jumping hurdles that no longer exist. Tom believes we all need to wake up. We need to fully realize that many sexual hurdles have been removed by the death of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Christ died, not so that we would have a license to sin, but so that we would be cleansed of sin. This cleansing should give us tremendous freedom - freedom to love God and freedom to love one another. But before such freedom can be fully enjoyed, it needs to be unencumbered from imaginary hurdles that no longer exist. Tom believes that most of these hurdles were erected after the fall and because of the fall. Tom also believes that these hurdles were obliterated at the cross. Here are a few other prime examples where Tom disagrees with most contemporary Christians: 1. Unlike most Christians today, Tom believes that marriage was instituted after the fall and because of the fall. 2. Unlike most Christians today, Tom believes that the sin of Adam and Eve was a sexual transgression which involved having sex with Satan and perhaps his demons. 3. Unlike most Christians today, Tom believes that God placed restrictions on man’s sexual freedom because of this horrendous sexual transgression. 4. Unlike most Christians today, Tom believes that we acquired the ability to procreate as a result of our original parents’ sexual transgression. Thus the institution of marriage became a necessity. But this institution was to become obsolete soon after the coming of Christ. 5. Unlike most Christians today, Tom believes that our heavenly marriage to Jesus is not just an analogy. It is more real and more wonderful than any earthly marriage. And yes, it includes sex. 6. Unlike most Christians today, Tom believes that most of the Bible’s sexual prohibitions were given for one of the following reasons: To protect men’s property rights, as in the case of adultery. To protect believers from fatal attractions that would cause them to become unequally yoked with unbelievers. To protect believers from idolatry. Throughout biblical history, sexual temptation was often a stumbling block which ensnared believers, as the surrounding culture engaged in drunken orgies as a means of placating their favorite gods and goddesses. To protect unborn babies by giving them the assurance of who’s the daddy. To protect people from sexually transmitted diseases. To protect woman (and men) from rape. To protect children from child molesters. To protect women and children from the irresponsible behavior of deadbeat dads. Though much of what Tom believes may seem radical today, most of what Tom believes is nothing new. For example, according to Margaret R. Miles: "Most Christian authors before Augustine thought that procreation by sexual intercourse was initiated by sin and would not have occurred if Adam and Eve had not sinned." [1] So on this particular point, Tom is in agreement with most Christian authors prior to Augustine, while most Christian authors prior to Augustine were in disagreement with most Christian authors today. This, of course, is not to say that Tom is right or that they are right. Truth is not determined by counting noses. It is simply to say that many sincere and intelligent believers before Tom have reached many of the same conclusions Tom has reached. Here’s another example. Like Tom, and unlike most modern Christians, the ancient Jews believed that the original sin was not just the eating of a literal piece of fruit like an apple, though it may have included that. The original sin, according to both Tom and the ancient Jews, primarily consisted of Adam and Eve having sex with the devil and perhaps his demons. According to F.R. Tennant: "It is beyond question that various legends concerning the monstrous intercourse of Adam and Eve with demons, and especially of Eve with the serpent or Satan, were both widespread and ancient among the Jews. The Talmud describes a contamination of the race, which is ascribed to the serpent's intercourse with Eve, and to the poison, which she derived from him." [2] Like Tom, and unlike most modern Christians, Jerome believed: “The command to increase and multiply first finds fulfillment after the expulsion from paradise, after the nakedness and the fig-leaves which speak of sexual passion.” [3] Like Jerome and many other Christian thinkers of his day, Tom believes that marriage was instituted after the fall and as a result of the fall. However, unlike Jerome, Augustine, and others, Tom believes sex is not only a good thing, but a very good thing. Unfortunately, sex is a very good thing which was polluted as a result of our original parents doing a very bad thing with a very bad devil. Like The Oneida Community of the 1800s, a Christian community that practiced what is now known as polyamory or group marriage, Tom believes that the teachings of the Bible can be reconciled with polyamory. Tom disagrees with the cherished notion that one man should only love one woman exclusively, forsaking all others. Conversely, Tom does not believe that it is okay to cheat on or lie to a significant other. Because Tom believes these things, the following things logically follow: 1. Swinging and polyamory are neither moral nor immoral; they are amoral, i.e. morally neutral. They can be practiced responsibly and ethically, in such a way that is in complete harmony with the ethical teachings of Scripture. 2. Christians can be and should be sexually united, not just exclusively within a monogamous marriage, but inclusively as one body of believers. Though this idyllic lifestyle may not have been practical in the days of Moses, Jesus, and the Apostle Paul, it is practical today. Tom advocates responsible non-monogamy, also known as polyamory. The word “polyamory” means “many loves.” It refers to an alternative lifestyle that has also been known as “open marriage,” or “group marriage.” Tom believes that polyamory, practiced responsibly among like-minded believers, is not only okay - it was God’s ultimate ideal from the beginning. It’s one thing for a secular book like Open Marriage to promote this lifestyle. It’s quite another thing for a Christian book to claim that not only does the Bible allow for polyamory - it is the ultimate lifestyle that God intended from day one. Though Tom has been studying the subject of sexual ethics for a long, long time, he makes no claims of infallibility or omniscience. His opinions are simply that - his opinions. But rest assured, his opinions are well-thought out, weighed carefully, and backed up with compelling evidence, sound logic, and responsible biblical hermeneutics. Tom is always learning and always welcomes input, even from those who disagree. Input is especially welcomed from Bible teachers and scholars. Because of the controversial nature of his writings, all Tom asks is that all input be given in such a way that is civilized, hospitable, and constructive. Tom can be contacted at: Tom Gruber P.O. Box 26562 Columbus, OH 43226 tom@openchristians.org BOOKS BY TOM GRUBER Tom has published three books on sexual ethics: 1. "What the Bible REALLY says about SEX," published through Trafford Publishing. 2. "Is There Sex in Heaven? A Biblical Case for Lovemaking in the Afterlife," published through lulu.com. 3. "The Ethics of Swinging," published through lulu.com. Currently, Tom is working on a book about polygamy. So why a book about polygamy, not polyamory? The Bible gives us no examples of polyamory, though it’s the author’s opinion that the Bible does lay a firm foundation for polyamory. But the Bible does give us several examples of polygamy. If we can establish beyond a reasonable doubt that the Bible does allow for polygamy, then it is fairly easy to establish that the Bible also allows for polyamory in the 21st Century and beyond. There are many pros and cons to polygamy. Since the Bible does not say specifically whether or not polygamy is right or wrong, Christians are naturally divided over this issue. The purpose of this upcoming book will be to present the best arguments from all sides. Though the author will interject his opinions along the way, it will be the responsibility of Tom’s readers to form their own opinions and reach their own conclusions. Also, be sure to visit Tom's sister site, http://www.openchristians.org. Enjoy! [1] Miles, Margaret R. Carnal Knowing. New York, NY: Vintage Books, 1991, p. 94. [2] Tennant, F.R. The Sources of the Doctrines of the Fall and Original Sin. New York, NY: Schocken Books, 1968, p. 156. [3] St. Jerome: Letters and Select Works, tr. W. H. Fremantle. Select Library of Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Ser. 2, Vol. VI (Edinburgh, 1892).