The language in our children´s acts

How to communicate with our children is the no ending question of all the parents from all times. We, as parents, tend to think that the most difficult stage in our children´s life is when they are babies and toddlers: they need all our time and attention, they can not talk so it is difficult to know what they want; and so is difficult to create a verbal relationship. Then they grow up and their verbal language improves we think that it will be easier. But they grow up again and our sweet Peter or Jane turned into another child without paying attention. You talk to them but they don´t listen; you ask them and they don´t answer… do we speak the same language? What happens when their language codes are not the same of ours? How can we understand them? How can we understand each other?

Let´s try to see the world from the other´s eyes.
At the beginning of the 20th century there was a psychologist called Alfred Adler. He believed in the “individual psychology” that states that the person tends to unconscious goals being a childlike clearing to the feeling perceived of inferiority through different strategies toward a final goal plus the social and family milieu in the individual character. That means that the child acts because of goals that he/she is not conscious of them and that he/she adapts these goals and the way of getting them according to the family and social “laws”. The relation between the goal and the way to reach it shapes the individual personality.
If we follow this theory we can believe that the child does not act being conscious of what he/she is doing is good or bad but that his/her acts are good or bad for getting his/her goals no matter if they are “correct” or not. The language is one of the tools that we should use for helping them to know their external world.
Good luck!